i'm feeling down
I have a feeling that this post can get real random. Let me start.
Something's affecting me right now and it's quite serious. I'm so down that no words can describe the feeling I'm experiencing now, or at least no words in my dictionary is capable of doing that. I have limited vocab.
Yesterday went to Gan's house to watch Liverpool Vs Chealsea. The match is shown on free TV channels at a freaking time of 0630. But I didn't sleep while waiting. Watched Lord of The Rings since Bennett wanted to and I haven't really watched it before. Watched the first epidsode before but the quality of the pirated VCD was so lousy that I fell asleep watching it cause it was very dark. That totally made me thinks that LOTR is a boring show and so I was never interested in the other two episodes.
First DVD, all were still awake, apart from Gan who slept halfway throughout the disk. He watched it a lot of times before his TV can recieve any signal from the TV stations.
Second disk, and I was the only one who was watching. Nevermind.
Time for soccer, all of them were sleeping. Woke them up. Surprisingly, Bennett lasted the first half, cause that time he wanted to watch F1 Brazilian Grand Prix with me but he slept after 5 laps or so. Yenshan was half sleeping cause he claimed that he was a Man U fan and he don't find a match without Man U watch-able. Gan and I watched the full match but it was really boring.
I don't know why I'm talking about all these. But this is a blog and I should *journal about what I did right?
Argh. So random.
I think I know what's affecting me but it don't really make sense. Guess it's not that blog of Rain's that affecting me. But her posts are really very saddening.
Now I believe in those kinda suicide web site from Japan. Didn't use to believe that people will feel like commiting suicide after visiting those sites.
I think I forgot half of what I wanted to talk about. Never mind.
Anyway, tomorrow have to go Uni cause of the "Getting into Melb Uni Day". I can sense some great lame-ness from the Uni. Don't really feel like going but since they made the effort to get this event organised specially for Trinity students, I shall play along too.
Going shopping with sister tomorrow too but I don't feel like buying clothes anymore. But I seriously need clothes that fit me. Time to fill up those empty spaces cupboard.
What's for dinner tomorrow? Never expect my sister to suggest a place simply because Rain is working there. But even after knowing she'll be there I still don't want to go. Think it's showing something.
Missing someone but I don't know who. This feeling is back to haunt me again. It's like when you see someone you feel like getting a partner but you know it's that going to be that person. (the english might not make any sense to some of you but I still don't want to make it clearer, cause I'm tired and my mind is not working very well now.)
My mind is blank now. Emptyness filling me up. Ironic sentence. How can something empty fill up anything? But I guess it's true. It's filling me.
Emotionless. Trying to think of something but I can't. I don't even know what is the thing that I'm trying to think about.
My fingers are moving by themselves. I'm not controlling them. Strange. But let's see what my fingers can produce.
They suddenly became motionless. Haiz.
Apart from being lame I think this is a very sad blog too. But this sadness had been missing for a very long time. Don't know why it's suddenly back now.
What regrets do you have? I think I only have one real regret in my life, up to now. And that is... I shall not say it here. Cause it's really childish but really, it's nothing to do with love.
I just can't accept the fact that I never really fight for what I want. I want to be a racer.
Told Wendy that I want to sleep but I'm still here blogging, with the status of my MSN being "Sleeping". It's 0325 right now. I have to adjust my bio-clock at least to something similar to what I used to have. If not I'll just be going to school to sleep next week.
Had been living as though morning is night and night is morning. My world was 12 hours different from everyone's else. But at least I feel tired now. Good sign.
Tonight will be CTG's PPP, Chinese Threatre Group's Post-Production Party. I'm not going. First of all I'm under 18 (they're going to a club) and secondly I'm never interested in going. Don't know why. Don't ask. I want to type "don't ask" even though I know no one is going to ask me why I don't want to go.
Feel like doing some social work. I don't want to be a waste to the society. Have to contribute a bit to it. Have a plan but that requires me in joining the CTG adminstration team. Or maybe I can just suggest what I've planned to the Producer and let him carries it out. But who knows he's won't like the idea? I don't know. But if he's don't like the idea there's no use of me joining the adminstration team also. Cause I'll still be under him. I can't do things by myself. Guess I'm not independant afterall.
Can't stand the random-ness. I shall stop here even though my fingers still feel like typing. I have to stop them. Time to take back the control over my fingers. Good night.
*used as a verb.
Something's affecting me right now and it's quite serious. I'm so down that no words can describe the feeling I'm experiencing now, or at least no words in my dictionary is capable of doing that. I have limited vocab.
Yesterday went to Gan's house to watch Liverpool Vs Chealsea. The match is shown on free TV channels at a freaking time of 0630. But I didn't sleep while waiting. Watched Lord of The Rings since Bennett wanted to and I haven't really watched it before. Watched the first epidsode before but the quality of the pirated VCD was so lousy that I fell asleep watching it cause it was very dark. That totally made me thinks that LOTR is a boring show and so I was never interested in the other two episodes.
First DVD, all were still awake, apart from Gan who slept halfway throughout the disk. He watched it a lot of times before his TV can recieve any signal from the TV stations.
Second disk, and I was the only one who was watching. Nevermind.
Time for soccer, all of them were sleeping. Woke them up. Surprisingly, Bennett lasted the first half, cause that time he wanted to watch F1 Brazilian Grand Prix with me but he slept after 5 laps or so. Yenshan was half sleeping cause he claimed that he was a Man U fan and he don't find a match without Man U watch-able. Gan and I watched the full match but it was really boring.
I don't know why I'm talking about all these. But this is a blog and I should *journal about what I did right?
Argh. So random.
I think I know what's affecting me but it don't really make sense. Guess it's not that blog of Rain's that affecting me. But her posts are really very saddening.
Now I believe in those kinda suicide web site from Japan. Didn't use to believe that people will feel like commiting suicide after visiting those sites.
I think I forgot half of what I wanted to talk about. Never mind.
Anyway, tomorrow have to go Uni cause of the "Getting into Melb Uni Day". I can sense some great lame-ness from the Uni. Don't really feel like going but since they made the effort to get this event organised specially for Trinity students, I shall play along too.
Going shopping with sister tomorrow too but I don't feel like buying clothes anymore. But I seriously need clothes that fit me. Time to fill up those empty spaces cupboard.
What's for dinner tomorrow? Never expect my sister to suggest a place simply because Rain is working there. But even after knowing she'll be there I still don't want to go. Think it's showing something.
Missing someone but I don't know who. This feeling is back to haunt me again. It's like when you see someone you feel like getting a partner but you know it's that going to be that person. (the english might not make any sense to some of you but I still don't want to make it clearer, cause I'm tired and my mind is not working very well now.)
My mind is blank now. Emptyness filling me up. Ironic sentence. How can something empty fill up anything? But I guess it's true. It's filling me.
Emotionless. Trying to think of something but I can't. I don't even know what is the thing that I'm trying to think about.
My fingers are moving by themselves. I'm not controlling them. Strange. But let's see what my fingers can produce.
They suddenly became motionless. Haiz.
Apart from being lame I think this is a very sad blog too. But this sadness had been missing for a very long time. Don't know why it's suddenly back now.
What regrets do you have? I think I only have one real regret in my life, up to now. And that is... I shall not say it here. Cause it's really childish but really, it's nothing to do with love.
I just can't accept the fact that I never really fight for what I want. I want to be a racer.
Told Wendy that I want to sleep but I'm still here blogging, with the status of my MSN being "Sleeping". It's 0325 right now. I have to adjust my bio-clock at least to something similar to what I used to have. If not I'll just be going to school to sleep next week.
Had been living as though morning is night and night is morning. My world was 12 hours different from everyone's else. But at least I feel tired now. Good sign.
Tonight will be CTG's PPP, Chinese Threatre Group's Post-Production Party. I'm not going. First of all I'm under 18 (they're going to a club) and secondly I'm never interested in going. Don't know why. Don't ask. I want to type "don't ask" even though I know no one is going to ask me why I don't want to go.
Feel like doing some social work. I don't want to be a waste to the society. Have to contribute a bit to it. Have a plan but that requires me in joining the CTG adminstration team. Or maybe I can just suggest what I've planned to the Producer and let him carries it out. But who knows he's won't like the idea? I don't know. But if he's don't like the idea there's no use of me joining the adminstration team also. Cause I'll still be under him. I can't do things by myself. Guess I'm not independant afterall.
Can't stand the random-ness. I shall stop here even though my fingers still feel like typing. I have to stop them. Time to take back the control over my fingers. Good night.
*used as a verb.
